Thursday, January 20, 2011

Thoughts of a 21 century woman: Dating (continued)

I ended my last post on dating talking about the importance of friendship in dating. With my experience in my own relationship, friendship is the basis of our relationship and truly does keep both of us grounded when it comes to us having spats, problems, etc. Friendships remind us of why we are with the chosen person as well as create a stronger bond that is harder to break. When you have someone to be a friend to you and continues to encourage you regardless of what you want to do, it is so much easier to deflect negative things from this world. Relationships have their fair share of issues from day to day but a friendship reminds you why you love that person and why you are with them. By the way, I am speaking about long term, marriage seeking relationships.

To build on having a friendship with your significant other, it is so important not to get complacent in your role as a significant other. It is really easy to expect the other to continue to go all out all the time and you don't do the same. It is easy for us as women to get in the habit of expecting our men to wine and dine us, romance us and some and unconsciously get used to having that and not returning the effort. Guys like to have that feeling of excitement too; they just don't show it like us. It is important to keep that spark in your relationship; otherwise it gets really easy to fall off track when someone comes along giving you what you want from your significant other. Guys are brought up to be the financial one and the romancer and women are supposed to be Miss I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T or that’s what the song says. How does that even work out if he wants to do for you and you want him to respect your independence? Not to say you have to be 100% submissive but let the man do his job and don’t be so reluctant to pick up the slack if need be. That’s how trust and reliability are built in a relationship. There are countless times I have had to carry the burden of our relationship and even more times that my man has had to do it. I don’t complain because I know that when times get rough, one of us will always be the strong one when the other can’t. (Watch and enjoy video)

Funny Video About Black Couple Negotiations

Now ladies, I will speak on this briefly and come back to it later. But, men work so hard and go above and beyond to please us. When we don’t show that we are appreciative, it makes them feel like they aren’t worth our time, they don’t have what it takes to make us happy, and they get lost in why they are with us. YES, it happens to us. Yes, they love us but feeling like they can’t please us can screw with their ego and their confidence in their abilities to be the best significant other they can be. So, if you have a man, think about all he does for you, and all he doesn’t do. If your do list outweighs the don’ts list, show your man how much you appreciate him and be as good to him as you can be. If your don’t list outweighs your do list, it is time to have a come to Jesus meeting , a crucial, much needed conversation with your significant other or let that sig other go. It might be hard but there is no reason to live your life wanting for something and having someone in place of someone else who could do the job and do it better. It is also important to be reasonably prudent in defining the things you want. Don’t be so quick to throw all the blame on the significant other because we all have things we have to address dealing with self, first. Remember, when you point to someone else, 3 fingers point back at you. So examine yourself 3 times before putting blame on the significant other. More on this later…


Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Live Your Life. Make Your Dreams Come True

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode? --Langston Hughes

Life is about learning and growing. Lessons and living. No matter what, each day is going to come, regardless of what you want to happen. Today is the day to make your moves to get where you want to be. Life happens. You go through obstacles on your way to being where you dream to be. It is so important to continue to persevere and keep going...Even though it is hard, living your life and trying to reach your dreams is not impossible. Langston Hughes poses the question what happens to a dream deferred? He poses some hypotheses but in reality, dreams deferred rarely become realities.

Why, do you ask?
We get so complacent with where we are in life and as years start to pile on, we start to see our dreams and goals that once were rulers of our lives become just something of the past. Then we have children and put our dreams and aspirations on them. And as we see on TV, that is not always a good thing.

I pose all of this to say, Live your live. Dare to dream and make your dreams a realities. Young or old, it does not matter. No one is going to do it for you so do it for yourself and make your dreams come true. As my 22nd birthday approaches, I realize that there are so many things that I swear to have done at this point and I haven't. Oh well, I am making it happen this year. Watch and see, it can be done. And for you, know that obstacles are thrown in your way to make you stronger and better equipped for what is to come. If you live a obstacle-free life, you aren't doing something right!

Don't stop dreaming and don't stop fighting for your goals. If it can happen for me, it can happen for you too!