Happy Valentine's Day!

I hope I am one in a number in sharing my life with an amazing significant other. I love my man. He is an amazing somebody. I hope all of you readers have someone to love or someone who is on your radar to share this amazing day of love with. My Valentine is truly the love of my life. After all of the frogs, I found my prince and I love him dearly. I wrote a post about him recently but I tell you, this guy is the man I have dreamed of since I was a little girl. He is not perfect but I can assure you he is perfect for me. All of his imperfections make him who he is and all of my imperfections find a way into his heart. He love unconditionally and loves hard. He has it all, smart, intelligent, cute, swagggggnificent, Son of God and a lover. I just had to say this because I truly believe this man was created, with a special purpose (Beyonce voice).

We went on our first date 3 years ago on Valentines day and I remember it just as clear as today. He took me to this secluded little cafe in my college town. I hadn't even heard about it! This dude did his research and was armed with some serious artillery. This quaint little place was an absolute dream place for a romantic date. In the woods, beautiful scenery, and coffee and lots of it. Did I mention it was cheap too? The person waiting on us made me a beautiful heart decoration in my latte and sent us on our way. We sat outside, in February, in the woods and chatted away. Even though we had gotten all dolled up the night before, something about this seemed different. I could feel that he was here for something more. So as we chatted away, he snapped picture after picture of me. I think he thought I was pretty or something! We were there for a couple of hours but he had to go back. I was sad but before he left, he replaced all of the Starburst's that he happily ate from my stash. I thought it was sweet. It was. And it was time for him to leave. I loved him from that day forward but of course I didn't tell him that! He told me first!

That was our first date and I have to say that 3 years later, we still have those first day moments. He is always introducing me to something new, even though he is in his first year of law school. He is always truly to one up himself and that is something I love about him. That is my Valentine's day story!

What is yours? Who is your greatest Valentine? What was the greatest thing you've done on a V-day?"

I Write What I Think: Love

So I truly do write what I think. I also visit a lot of blogs and well, they got me thinking. Thinking about love...Dum dum dummmmmmmmm!

I've been in a very successful relationship for 3 years now. Check that! Me. Three years. With. Someone. Else. He has to love me, I mean, I am not the easiest person to deal with. Actually, when it comes to what goes on behind closed doors, I am sure I am not the easiest. At ALL! But he loves me anyway. In the past 6 months, I have to say my life was a complete world wind. Losing my job, disconnecting from the world, fighting the woo's of life off, fighting off depression. Yea, it was horrible. But somehow I made it through. I was able to have the support of ONE earthly person who really showed me what unconditional love was and what it meant to BE THERE for someone. I rarely talk about my Sweetie but I think it is past due that I write a blog dedicated to him.

He is truly a man of good character and compassion. He is smart and he has a lot going for himself. But those are the secondary reasons why I love this guy. In 2009, my aunt passed away. I had met him the night before she was transported to a better hospital and this guy was there for me from that time until the day she passed on. I remember not being interested because I had just made a pact with my best friend at the time saying that we wouldn't date until we graduated. We were having too much fun being "Single Ladies" and we didn't want that to stop for anyone. Somehow, God laughed and had other plans for me. So on January 6th 2009, my aunt passed away. I was heart broken and devastated, it was the first death I had ever had in my family that was that close to me. To make matters worse, my grandfather died 5 days before her. Although we weren't close, it was still a hard pill to swallow knowing I had lost two family members in the same month. As devastated as I was, I remember distinctly being in the mall with two of my girlfriends at the time and he sent me a text message that said "You need to call me more." Me being the person I was, hopeless romantic thought "this guy is crazy but ok, I will see where this goes." After missing a week of classes, I was extremely stressed. I missed my aunt and I couldn't find the strength and motivation to keep moving. Despite my lack of interest, he sent me messages, called me and checked on me often every day. He used to call them "YoYo checks." He made me give him a number, 1 through 10 to let him know how I was doing. If I was below 7, he'd find a way to make me a 10 by the time we stopped talking. What a man, What a man, What a man, what a mighty good man. Yes he iiiiissssssssssssss! (I know I am not the only one who LOVES Salt-Pepa-and Spindarella

So I think back to those first months and the state I was in. I think about the last few months and how he has helped me get out of a hard place. And I find myself being extremely grateful that he alone, helped me get through by supporting me, giving me time to grieve, and pushing me past my own self-pity to get to where I am today. I can only say Thank you.

I can attest to these facts: 1)good men do exist. Love comes when it is least expected. 2)Don't go searching for it because the right guy will find you when he is supposed to. 3)It is ok to give yourself time to be you. Find yourself so that when Mr. Right does come along, you won't be confused about what you want and he won't be confused about what he is getting.

New Year, New Values: Forgiveness

We all hear about it. We all say it. But what does it really take to actually FORGIVE someone who has hurt you once, twice, or as many times as a clock strikes in a day? I have recently experienced the extent to which forgiveness will truly take over your daily functioning and how I have been forced to grow. Truly grow past hurt and pain I have experienced from friends.

In the last few months of the year, I was really forced to lean on my friends. Sadly, no one really had time to help me past my hurt because they were so focused on things going on in their lives. Now all I could think of at the time was, WTH, I am always there for my friends, dropping everything for them and I can't get an ear to talk to...PROBLEM. So for the last two months of the year, I stopped talking to my friends, didn't call them for their birthdays, didn't call for the holidays. I was truly taken aback by the fact that they weren't there for me and honestly considered calling the friendship quits, despite years of good times. But one day I just woke up and I was over it. I was truly over the hurt that I had experienced from feeling like my friends had left me hanging. Then, I realized that in order for me to start my new year off in the right way, it would be best for me to just...forgive...It feels like a weight has been released off of my heart, chest, and my mind. What it really took for me to forgive, well keep reading...

During those months that I choose not to talk to my friends, I noticed, they didn't call me either. Interesting enough, I thought I was hurting them when I was only hurting myself. That is when I finally said, ok, I will be the one to break the ice and make the move to either go forward with a friendship or really just consider it a seasonal situation. When I gave in and prayed about it, I found that I had no choice but to just forgive. Just forgive. Let the past be the past and move forward. What may come of it, will come, it was out of my hands. So I forgave. I still didn't talk to one of my friends until the last week of the year and the other just two days ago. As interesting as it was, I found that even after all of the pain I experienced behind my friends, forgiving them made all of that go away and I've been able to have pleasant, non-disgruntled conversation with them. Fancy that! So my lesson to you and myself is to find it in yourself to forgive those who hurt you in the past. It really only hurts you by holding a chip on your shoulder because the other person probably goes on with their lives. So from here on out, forgiveness is incorporated into my growth plan. I wouldn't be human if I didn't face hurt from those close to me...Now I'm not saying to be a punching bag. However I do believe that relationships require bumps along the journey.

What is a friendship without a few obstacles? What is the point of working toward having a stronger relationship if there is nothing to really grow into?

Hope this helps you move forward with the New Year!

Thoughts of a 21 century woman: Dating (continued)

I ended my last post on dating talking about the importance of friendship in dating. With my experience in my own relationship, friendship is the basis of our relationship and truly does keep both of us grounded when it comes to us having spats, problems, etc. Friendships remind us of why we are with the chosen person as well as create a stronger bond that is harder to break. When you have someone to be a friend to you and continues to encourage you regardless of what you want to do, it is so much easier to deflect negative things from this world. Relationships have their fair share of issues from day to day but a friendship reminds you why you love that person and why you are with them. By the way, I am speaking about long term, marriage seeking relationships.

To build on having a friendship with your significant other, it is so important not to get complacent in your role as a significant other. It is really easy to expect the other to continue to go all out all the time and you don't do the same. It is easy for us as women to get in the habit of expecting our men to wine and dine us, romance us and some and unconsciously get used to having that and not returning the effort. Guys like to have that feeling of excitement too; they just don't show it like us. It is important to keep that spark in your relationship; otherwise it gets really easy to fall off track when someone comes along giving you what you want from your significant other. Guys are brought up to be the financial one and the romancer and women are supposed to be Miss I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T or that’s what the song says. How does that even work out if he wants to do for you and you want him to respect your independence? Not to say you have to be 100% submissive but let the man do his job and don’t be so reluctant to pick up the slack if need be. That’s how trust and reliability are built in a relationship. There are countless times I have had to carry the burden of our relationship and even more times that my man has had to do it. I don’t complain because I know that when times get rough, one of us will always be the strong one when the other can’t. (Watch and enjoy video)

Funny Video About Black Couple Negotiations

Now ladies, I will speak on this briefly and come back to it later. But, men work so hard and go above and beyond to please us. When we don’t show that we are appreciative, it makes them feel like they aren’t worth our time, they don’t have what it takes to make us happy, and they get lost in why they are with us. YES, it happens to us. Yes, they love us but feeling like they can’t please us can screw with their ego and their confidence in their abilities to be the best significant other they can be. So, if you have a man, think about all he does for you, and all he doesn’t do. If your do list outweighs the don’ts list, show your man how much you appreciate him and be as good to him as you can be. If your don’t list outweighs your do list, it is time to have a come to Jesus meeting , a crucial, much needed conversation with your significant other or let that sig other go. It might be hard but there is no reason to live your life wanting for something and having someone in place of someone else who could do the job and do it better. It is also important to be reasonably prudent in defining the things you want. Don’t be so quick to throw all the blame on the significant other because we all have things we have to address dealing with self, first. Remember, when you point to someone else, 3 fingers point back at you. So examine yourself 3 times before putting blame on the significant other. More on this later…

--afrYcanviOlet

Thoughts of a 21 century woman: Dating

As I reflect on the last 3 years of undergrad, I think about all of the influences and experiences I have been exposed to in the last few years. Being 5 months from graduation forces me to reflect on the past present and future in order to grow and gain those important lessons that I prayed to God to help me get through. I will start with a popular subject that many young woman are worried about constantly: Dating. It is the inevitable and every parent dreads their daughters having to experience heartache and angst behind a man. As I have had a variety of different guy friends in my life, I have learned that the bottom line about dating someone is, you have to know what you want and you have to be on the same page. My high school teacher once told me that you can't be with someone who is not on your level. I took offense to this as I thought the person I was dating was the best thing since sliced bread. Well, as I look back, it is clear that she was right.It is important to be equally yoked. That way, you will eliminate the drama that comes with the person not understanding why you do what you do. You also find that it is easier to take your significant other to public functions without having to explain why this person can't have an intelligent conversation with your colleagues. It is so easy to settle for someone just because we as women are tricked into thinking that we are limited to what comes to us. Now that I realize that is not so true, I value the relationship that I have now. My significant other is so amazing. He is on the path to greatness and I love to embrace him and the way he supports me in all that I do. He keeps it real with me but he is always pushing me to continue working hard to achieve my dreams. What I wouldn't do without this man.

But to continue discussing dating, we have to learn what we want before we try to tell someone else how to make us happy. It is so easy to seek and find someone who is willing to do whatever it is to make us happy but if we can't do it without the presence of a significant other, as women we have to make it happen for ourselves. Otherwise, having a significant other there is only going to last as long as the person has the momentum to keep going without having that satisfaction returned. Nowhere am I discussing the sexual aspect of dating, that is another conversation but it is important to know and recognize what makes you happy so someone is not playing the guessing game from months or years just to end up hurt. With that being said, ladies, embrace yourselves, love yourselves before trying to get someone else to love you. Otherwise, you will find yourself constantly coming to yourself asking what the problem is. You may find yourself growing into a completely different person from what you initially thought you were. We change and grow so much at different stages in our lives. If you are single remember, there is no rush in dating, get to know yourself, the person, then share yourself. If you are in a relationship, learn make sure you have a friendship with that person as well as a romantic relationship. That friendship will be the foundation of something great and will keep everyone reminded as to why you are there in the first place.