Lessons in Life: When is the Last Time You Paid it Forward?

I am moving super slow with this series of posts but we will get through this, TOGETHER! So in this series we are examining a few things about ourselves and our lives. The last two posts can be found on my in the post before last! Ok the question for this post is question number 3, How do you pay it forward? And here we go!

In order to get you have to give. It is the circle of life. So if you are expecting, make a difference in someone's life with a simple smile or with your time or simply giving a homeless person a meal or little pocket change. Try doing this at least once a day. If you just take 5 seconds to show you care about someone other than yourself, you will find that things will start to shift in your life.

So, what does paying it forward actually mean? From what I can gather, it is simply the act of a deed being repaid in return of having someone do a good deed for you. (You get me?). So it is simply doing a good deed in lieu of offering something else. So how does it apply?

I can say for myself that I am blessed. I know a lot of you can say the same. So with all of the blessing that gets done for you, how do you go about repaying God for all that He does for you? Do you volunteer? Offer you talents? Counsel? Pay your tithes? etc...These are just a few things that can be seen as "paying it forward" and thus increasing your happiness and the happiness of those around you. I don't know how often you volunteer your time or do something nice for someone in need but I know that when I do it, it makes me feel like I am being useful.  Not to mention, if you pay it forward, and the person you do something for pays it  forward, it will be a cycle that can help many people...and to know that it started with YOU!

As you go throughout your day, be a blessing to someone else and you will start to see blessings abundantly. I can't promise you will get something every single time but I do know that you will see a shift in your life...and remember to smile. You can't expect simple blessings if you go through your days with a mean mug. Plus, smiling helps you push past the pain of whatever is going on and helps you feel good on the inside. I promise it won't hurt :)

So today, make it your business to be a blessing to someone else!
Enjoy your Thursday!

Lessons in Life: Finding Joy in What You Already Have

So this post is a continuation of my last "Lesson in Life: Giving to Receive." Now, let me say for the record that no, I am not perfect and I don't claim to be. These are just a few things that I have been through and witnessed and felt compelled to write about. Ok now if you haven't read the last post, it had a few questions up there that are relevant to what I am about to say so I would suggest you go back and read that one. If you have the time. I will try to keep this one a little shorter.

This post is going to address question 2: What type of words would you use to describe your place in life? Are you grateful for your job right now? Do you thank God for waking you up? Are you grateful that your account has sufficient funds? These things, though taken for granted are the things that God placed in your life and you can best believe He wants to see you grateful for these things before He will bless you with more. If you are constantly complaining about your kids, your bills, your car, you can't expect more. It's just not going to happen. The words we speak have the power of life and death. We use so many words in a day and sometimes, I don't think we are cognizant of every thing that comes out of our mouth. The positivity or negativity  that we speak from out mouths can change the course of our lives. If we constantly speak about the good in our lives, speak words of gratefulness, so will we become.  If we walk around crying broke all the time, so will we become.  But you know this!

So what to do about this? I'm glad you asked! Moving forward, just watch what you say. If you want to see changes in your life, it starts with you. It starts with you accepting and being appreciative of what you have. You have to speak good over your life. You can't allow people to speak negative over you either. And if they do, you rebuke that immediately. And guard yourself daily by saying a prayer to God to shield you from other people's negative energy and negative words. If those are the people who surround you and you truly want things to change in your life? Well, you just might need to examine their worth in your life. You are trying to be elevated but you have baggage that holds you down...You can't get far with baggage. Negativity is baggage! Let it go!

...Stay Tuned...

Lessons in Life: Giving To Recieve

I have always been a giver. In elementary school I would always be the one with no pencils to write with because I always let someone borrow them. Being the second oldest sibling, giving became second nature considering the fact that I have two younger sisters. Now, as much as I give, I never have had a problem with going without things that I NEED. My wants, well, I like to have a lot of things, shoes, clothes, jewelry, all the things a girl wants. But when it has come down to what I needed, I was never left without. Now what I am about to get into isn't as cute as what I just wrote. If you are a stingy or selfish person, you might now like what I have to say. But I'm going to say it anyway...

This weekend I had an interesting and thought provoking experience. These verses became so relevant in my life. So enlightening! So if you would, turn with me to 2 Corinthians 9:7 which says, "Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver." I hear a lot of people complaining to be broke all the time. And well, if you want to stay that way, just remember that your words have the power of life and death. You want wealth, speak it into your life. You want stability, speak it into your life. That is the only way these things come...But before you get to speaking start with the home team and let's do some examinations...Ready?

1. You want more but do you fully appreciate what you have right now?

2. What type of words would you use to describe your place in life? If they aren't words of gratefulness, they aren't enough.

3. How do you pay it forward? Do you pay your tithes? Do you give to the homeless? Do you volunteer your time? 

4. Do you give cheerfully? Or do you give because you think it is the right thing to do? 

5. When God speaks to you, do you take heed to His directions?

6. Do you put your trust in man or do you put your trust in God?

Now, as you answer these questions, write them down. If any of these aren't pleasing to you or aren't pleasing to God, your next step is to work on those things to make them right. The first and last questions, I think, are the most important. Why? I'm glad you asked... God has a plan for your life. Everything that happens to you is a blessing. Nothing that God does for you is a curse. With that being said, if you are in a place in your life where you have what you NEED, and you can't be grateful, how do you expect God to elevate you and you can't be appreciative of what you have right now? You think He is going to keep giving to you and you don't thank Him with a cheerful heart? Try again... If you have things in your life that God has given you and you don't want to take care of those things, you think He will give you anything else to just let sit there? It's just not going to happen. When God gives us things whether it is a house, a car, or a child, these things are given to us as blessings and expected to be taken care of. We don't take care of them, we don't get to the next level. So, maintain what you have right now. Focus on what you have in front of you and be grateful and then you will see God start to shift things around in your life!

This is about to be a series of posts because this topic is way too long. Don't just wait for me to keep talking, comment and let me know what you think. 

...Stay Tuned...

Until next time! 

Later Phenomenal Ladies!

He's Been Good!

Good Friday to everyone! I mean, Happy Good Friday and I am glad to be here to experience it! I just wanted to write a quick update on my life and encourage those of you with my story! Now, I have not sugar-coated at all, the fact that I CANNOT stand either one of my jobs. I am grateful to have employment but I was becoming disenchanted with both of them. I had lunch with my old roommate and best friend and she explained to me that the reason I was feeling that way was because it was not what I was SUPPOSED to be doing...So all last week I went along but I couldn't help but think, what if I just stepped out on faith and quit both jobs? Well, one for sure. God had told me to stay put at the other. So I did. On Tuesday, on the way from work, I called my sweetie and asked him how he felt if I quit one of my jobs. He has this belief that we should wait until something else comes along before jumping the gun. So I did. Left it at that!


Wednesday afternoon, on our way to his doctor's appointment, I get a phone call from one of my older friends who has a daughter. She said she had a summer opportunity for me and that she wanted to pitch an idea. So I listened. She said she wanted her little lady to have some summer enrichment before going into the kindergarten. My role would be as a "home school teacher" of sorts, for the summer. Just so she could have some structure and learn some basic skills before going to a public elementary school. I agreed. She said there was another parent who wanted to add her child. Of course I said yes! So from that conversation, I became the owner of my first business! (Cross of on the 30 before 30 list!)

So as of April 30, I am resigning from both of my jobs and I can't say that I am sad. I am elated to be my own boss, even if it is just for a short period of time. An entrepreneur...That's me! Now I just need a name and a brand!

The lesson in this, be patient and let God work. I had no idea that my friend was cooking all of this up and who knows what would have happened had I left those jobs before my time! He has a plan and we just have to trust that no matter what, He will do what is best for us. He reminds us of that promise over and over again. Read Jeremiah 29:11 if you ever feel like He doesn't hear you. He does! He is just lining it all up for you!

Happy Easter and God Bless!

Last Day of the Month

Today is the last day of February. Again, this year is flying by...I have been fighting a battle in my life and it is because I have chosen to be an honest person and those around me continue to remain untruthful, despite efforts to get the truth to surface. But, I won't complain. I will praise God for allowing me to be able to show my true character this month and for allowing this situation to push me on to the next level of being a better me.

Character is usually measured by the actions that you perform when people aren't looking. It is what you do when you think you are alone. When you choose to do the right thing, regardless of what others think, you are doing as God will do. Last week, before I went into work, I prayed and read my Bible. I let God lead me to what He felt was a message that needed to come across my vision that day. So, I fell upon Proverbs 16. I read the whole thing, not thinking that it would have a major role in what was about to go down at my job...

I won't go into too much detail but the incident took place that day. I had this very bad feeling and I had major anxiety behind it. Now, I suffered from anxiety the entire time I was in school and that is just not a life I want to live. So I called my mentor/spiritual advisor and talked to her about the situation. She told me not to lie. To tell the truth and make sure I did it soon. So I made up in my mind that I would. The next day, after a sleepless night filled with anxiety, I decided to do what was right. Come to find out, there were already questions floating around about the situation. It is funny how God works. The situation could have turned out completely different and I would have been in jeopardy of losing my job.

Lesson from this situation: The truth is always better than telling a lie. No matter how bad the situation may turn out, it is better to keep yourself safe by being honest rather than letting a situation play out and you become a bystander who suffers. This experience showed me that I am a strong person who stands for what is right. I never knew what I would do in a situation such as this but I always want to do the right thing. Doing the right thing will result in having enemies but as I said in the last post, if God is for you, no man can be against you. I trusted God to take care of this situation and even though it is not completely over, I know that I will come out victorious because I was honest and obedient.

Let God's ways lead your life. No matter how hard it may be to make the right decision, God will have an answer and He will provide for you. Don't let your life be lead by the lacksadasical ways of other people. Just because they don't live their lives in an honest way, a way God would approve, doesn't mean you have to conform to their way of life. If you are a believer, always believe in doing the right thing...It is not always fun but living among people who contradict themselves daily, you will stand out and God will show favor for living by His plan...

In the meantime, life is great. I'm still constantly learning about this thing called life. I hope that God continues to show me how to be a better person (I'm not that bad, but there is always room for improvement.)

What are some things about yourself that you REALLY love or REALLY want to change? Let's chat about them below!

In Those Moments...Pray

Life can be difficult. Extremely difficult at times. You get down and things in life just kick you, and continue kicking. When the turmoil in life happens, sometimes, it can throw you for a loop and really knock you off of your stoop. It just happens sometimes. Since it is just sometimes, how come those times seem to last so long and be so painful. So painful that you don't want to get out of the bed in the morning. You don't want to see the sun come up. You don't want...to. You just don't.

I've been there. Broke, jobless, hurt, confused, frustrated and all that! At the same time. I wanted to pray but, I just couldn't find the strength to get past the pain, the hurt, the tears. I just couldn't. But one day, I woke up... I wasn't so sad anymore. I wanted to move forward because that was the only thing I could do. I got up, cleaned up, showered, and went on the town to look for jobs. I may have applied to 30 jobs that week. I didn't even keep count. I do know that I went in though. I started feeling better, started feeling like I could pray again. When I felt like I couldn't, I would just say "Lord, your will be done." Then I would find peace for a little while. In my situation, I messed up. I probably could have been out of my situation long before I was if I had just simply prayed. 4 months of sulking and self-pitying. I could have been praying the whole time and asking God to help me come to peace with my situation. I should have been asking God to provide some peace over my life so that I could have been prepared to start moving forward sooner. I SHOULD HAVE trusted that God had a better plan for me. But I knew it all so I couldn't accept that I wasn't where I wanted to be.

Praying will never harm you. God will never harm you. He said in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." These are just the basics that God has promised to those who love Him. So when you find yourself in a down and out situation, remember that God will not forsake you. Stay prayed up and keep Him in the forefront of your life and I promise you will find peace in everything that life throws your way. Life can be tough and if you aren't prayed up, you will be prey for the enemy. If you are steadfast in your faith, you will falter in every obstacle that you encounter. Life isn't made to be easy, if it was, we'd all know how to live through the hard times. We'd have the innate skills to prevent bad things from happening to us. But we don't. And we never will. So the best thing for us to do is to just continue to pray through everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly of life. Because God will always remind you of His presence. He will provide peace of any situation.

So whatever you are going through, whether that is a job loss, trying to find a job fresh out of college, trying to pay off your debt, trying to simply make ends meet, you will get out of it. Just keep God first in your life and remember Jeremiah 29:11-He will not harm you.

-God Bless and I hope you had a great Wednesday!

It's Thursday!

Today is Thursday and although it has been a busy week, it has been a great one. Not much has gone on but I've been rolling as usual. Today, is no different than most Thursdays I experience. I know that I have to go to work and tomorrow I will work only one job instead of two. But today just feels good.

While I am feeling so good, I want to delve into a subject that not many people talk about in a positive light. And that is what other people have to say. I believe that everyone has their own talents and gifts. That is why, I will never be a medical doctor, an executive in retail, or a bomb teacher. I can respect that. I don't have a negative thing to say about those professions...But. Why. is it, I can't have the same? I mean really? As stated before, I have recently started real estate courses and I have to say, I'm loving it. However, when I tell people, some who just met me, some I've known for months, some for years, I've gotten similar responses which are along the lines of "Why'd you do that? You that bored with life? The market is horrible. My momma failed the test when she took the class." So on and so forth. Now, in all of my years (all 23 of them) not once have I ever had a negative thing to say about people and the careers they choose. I can't say anything because that is between them and their God. So why is it that people can't be respectful of my dreams, my time and simply say, "Good luck" when they have nothing positive to say? This is nothing that will get me down because as I have said before, this is something that I prayed on and consulted God about before making the move. With that being said, no one, not anyone can change what is written for me!

I am writing all of this to say, not everyone will agree with what you do with your life. You could be running for president and someone will still have something to say. Everyone has an opinion about what you should with with YOUR life and frankly, they are not always in the best interest of YOU. So my message to you on this Thursday is to consult God about your decisions. People can give you advice but only God can advise you. He will put the needed counselors in your life to help you along the way but be discerning, not everyone is sent by God to help you out. Some people are sent by God so that He can use them as your stepping stone. You just have to learn how to listen to Him when He is guiding you. People will always have something to say, but if your decision is planted and firm from knowing that God has given you the go-ahead, you won't be phased by what people have to say about what you are doing!

So, with that being said, I hope you have had an amazing week and a terrific Thursday. Live each day with the best you've got and I promise you won't regret it!

Life's Short: Get Some

An old time family friend of ours passed away on Friday from a long fight with breast cancer. Upon arriving to my humble abode, I found out. It hurt my heart because I have known this lady basically all of my life and for the last 12 years or so, she has been a survivor to me.

Like most people, the death of those you know really makes you start thinking. Life is extremely short. I have been talking all year about pursuing my own dreams and I would just like to dwell in that place once more, in the month of February. Life is really short. Like for real. In a blink of an eye, your life can be turned upside and inside out. Those close to you can be taken, those dreams you hoped you would get to pursue have to be put on hold. It is a serious thing. But I can tell you that not only am I a testimony, I am a witness that if you just go for what you want, you will experience an unforgettable joy, something that NO ONE can take from you.

My best friend since middle school is the person I have been able to witness God working on. My best friend has gone through the ringer since we graduated from high school. From great jobs to no job, health to bad health, engaged to not. Some of everything has happened to this girl and she has kept going. I met up with her for breakfast on Sunday and it ended 4 hours later. She had this glow about her. Something I hadn't seen since she gave birth to my beautiful godson who is now 4 years old. She has gotten a new job after a year of being out on disability and is planning to go back to school starting this summer. She is happily in a relationship and she has found God in herself. She has found GOD in her life. She has learned what happens when God comes first in your life. And that is again, something that NO ONE can take from you. Just last year I remember sending her inspirational text messages in hope that she would be in a frame of mind to take it in. Anytime I would see her when I went home, she'd never be able to tell me about what the Bible said. On Sunday, this girl was spitting it to me like she'd been studying for years. And I ate it up! She is growing into such an amazing woman and she is finally realizing that she is more than a validation from other people. She has started going to Bible study, she is a mentor for young mothers, and she is even starting to pick up where we left off with our plan for her part of our non-profit. I am amazed to see this happening before my eyes. She goes on to prove that when God is your pilot, you can't go anywhere but up! She is taking life by the horns and LIVING! I'm telling you, 2012 is going to be an amazing year.

In memory of all of those we have lost to breast cancer, take a moment to just pray for their family and friends.

Reflect on your life and where you want to be in 6 months. Every moment is valuable, spend it wisely!

Are you making it happen for you?

January in Review

I have to say, this has been the most successful and joyful year I have experienced in my life. Living out your dreams will change things. Like, really change things. I have been much happier this year and I have been extremely productive. I have busy days but I won't complain, I have been to the bottom and I don't want to go back there again.

I've started my real estate course and I am really excited to get started with this new stage in my life. I am a living testimony that God will take you through to show you that He will be with you the entire way. If He will take you to it, He will bring you through it, no doubt. God is so faithful and this year already has been phenomenal. I'm in an amazing place in my life and it feels great. So January in recapitulated (go on and Google it, I had to today when it was what we had to use in ToastMasters)...
1. I turned 23.
2. Sweetie turned 25
3. I love seeing my little niece grow. She is a whooping 9 lbs, a pound a week since she has been born!
4. I got a promotion
5. Started real estate class
6. Joined a ToastMasters Club
7. I've been taking such good care of my body. Taking vitamins and such (I'm still working on the physical part)
All in all, I want to say that I am for once, ACTIVELY pursuing my dreams and I can't express how great it really feels. I lived with fear inside of me so long. Now, I can see just how limitless my life is! If only I had figured this out before now. But I have to remember, things happen on God's time, not my own. So I accept all of this and give God a great big praise!

I don't know what you have gone through in the last year but please believe me when I tell you, God will surely keep you in your moments of weakness. I'm living my dreams now.
Words to describe this month:
1. Productive
2. Inspiring
3. Blessed
It is day 31 of the new year...What have you done with it?

Make 2012 Your Year

I have been wanting to pursue a career in a specific field for a few years now. I have continually put it on pause because people have told me often that the market is not good right now so it would be a waste of time and money to try to pursue this dream...If you haven't guessed it by now, it is real estate. Yea the market isn't going so well right now but you can bet on one thing, people will always buy houses...period. I should have worked on it in the fall but I was not in the mental space to think this far ahead. Now that I can think straight, I can put some things together and these are things I have to realize about pursuing my dream:
1. You can't consult just anybody about your dream. Everyone is not out for your best interest and they always think they can advise you better than God.
2. If God gives you a vision, you can best believe it is not a mirage. God is not a god of confusion. He makes it extremely clear what He wants for you. No need to consult others regarding the validity of that decision (unless it is spiritual consultation and even then, be on alert.)
3. The bad market is the best place to start because you have time to make mistakes, learn, and grow so when the market turns around, you can go in informed and knowledgeable about the area around you...DUH
4. Everyone has an opinion. Opinions are just that, not fact. Opinions can wear you down and slow you down. Therefore, if you are really and truly adamant about pursuing dreams, do your research and arm yourself with facts so those opinions don't have any value in your decisions.
5. Last but not least, Just do it. Fear will keep you from living. I know, I have been there. Don't let the fear of failure keep you from pursuing your dreams. There will certainly be ups and downs but that is all a part of the process and the journey. No one started out with on their first day. It is a necessary part of the journey to fall so that you can rise from where you are, bigger and better.

So if you have a dream you were hoping to pursue, do it this year. Make a timeline of what you are hoping to achieve and just do it. I can bet your bottom dollar that once you start, it will be the most rewarding thing you have done for yourself yet! So shoot for the stars in everything you do this year!

Sidenote: If you are a prayer warrior, I ask that you pray that a space is saved for me so that I get into the class to start toward my real estate license. The class starts next Thursday!!!
Thanks in advance!

Frugal and Fancy

I love Japanese steakhouses. Like so much that I swear I would have thousands in my pocket had I not given them so much of my money between 2005 (when I discovered their existence) til 2011. My parents have always said that I have expensive taste, which I do but not to the extent they exaggerate it to. So last year when I hit a swag in life, ergo finances, we decided that we would stop eating out so much. And boy did we! Until yesterday, we hadn't been out since September 2011. But it was a special occasion. My sweetie's birthday was on Saturday and because we have been in such a financial bind, I wasn't able to get him anything significant for his birthday. So tonight I checked my email and had an abundance of birthday gifts from restaurants in the area. (My birthday is next Monday). Low and behold there was a gift from Kanki (A Japanese Steakhouse). My sweetie also had one for his birthday. They gave us 6 days to redeem our free hibachi steak, chicken, or shrimp meals and well, who are we to turn down a free meal?! So after doing some plotting, we decided to go ahead and make the trip to eat. And it was worth it! We were among many celebrating birthdays but among FEW who knew about the free birthday meal. But since we did, I got my beloved steak while he had chicken, again, for free. We paid a total of 13 dollars for our meal because we got an appetizer and drinks but for the food we got, it was well worth it!

I shared this for inspiration...for myself. For a while I was missing the lifestyle where I knew that a substantial amount of money would surface and I could just spend as I pleased because I knew I would be ok. I realized how grateful I was for that free (expensive) meal and how much of a non-essential it actually was in my life at this point. I will now continue taking advantage of coupons, discounts, and freebies as I move forward into my adulthood. I find that we are actually able to stretch money by doing that...Who would have thought? So the first lesson I've learned from this year is that I can still live my fancy little lifestyle but modestly. Saving for outings is so much better than splurging and wishing for that money back. No longer will I be dealing with that issue because I am staying in my financial lane which includes saving money, just because. It's the smart thing to do!

Gratitude. It's the New Thing to Do

So tonight I taught my little sister a valuable lesson on gratitude. I am big on thanking people for doing me favors, REALLY BIG! I always like to show people my appreciation so tonight I passed it on to my sister. She is a fresh-woman in college and we were taking all of her ish up 3 flights of stairs. This nice dorm-mate of hers saw us struggling and offered a hand. I was so appreciative.

My spoiled little sister, being the person she is, didn't see why I was so excited about someone helping us. I was excited well, because people honestly aren't so nice anymore. So when people do go out of their way to do a favor, I try to show that I truly appreciate it. So when we got upstairs, I took an index card, while my sister was catching her breath, and wrote a cute little message for the girl that said, "Thanks so much for helping us. We really appreciate it. Have a great semester." Three simple sentences. I attached it a box of Sprees and went on a hunt to find her. When we did, she was so surprised and excited that we went out of our way to show our gratitude. My sister made a new pal and I was excited to be able to use this as a teaching moment. Little things really count!

So as we go on throughout our days, make sure to recognize those who you are grateful to. Little or big things, the acknowledgement goes a long way! Notice how far it will take you and how great it will make you feel.

New Year, New Values: Forgiveness

We all hear about it. We all say it. But what does it really take to actually FORGIVE someone who has hurt you once, twice, or as many times as a clock strikes in a day? I have recently experienced the extent to which forgiveness will truly take over your daily functioning and how I have been forced to grow. Truly grow past hurt and pain I have experienced from friends.

In the last few months of the year, I was really forced to lean on my friends. Sadly, no one really had time to help me past my hurt because they were so focused on things going on in their lives. Now all I could think of at the time was, WTH, I am always there for my friends, dropping everything for them and I can't get an ear to talk to...PROBLEM. So for the last two months of the year, I stopped talking to my friends, didn't call them for their birthdays, didn't call for the holidays. I was truly taken aback by the fact that they weren't there for me and honestly considered calling the friendship quits, despite years of good times. But one day I just woke up and I was over it. I was truly over the hurt that I had experienced from feeling like my friends had left me hanging. Then, I realized that in order for me to start my new year off in the right way, it would be best for me to just...forgive...It feels like a weight has been released off of my heart, chest, and my mind. What it really took for me to forgive, well keep reading...

During those months that I choose not to talk to my friends, I noticed, they didn't call me either. Interesting enough, I thought I was hurting them when I was only hurting myself. That is when I finally said, ok, I will be the one to break the ice and make the move to either go forward with a friendship or really just consider it a seasonal situation. When I gave in and prayed about it, I found that I had no choice but to just forgive. Just forgive. Let the past be the past and move forward. What may come of it, will come, it was out of my hands. So I forgave. I still didn't talk to one of my friends until the last week of the year and the other just two days ago. As interesting as it was, I found that even after all of the pain I experienced behind my friends, forgiving them made all of that go away and I've been able to have pleasant, non-disgruntled conversation with them. Fancy that! So my lesson to you and myself is to find it in yourself to forgive those who hurt you in the past. It really only hurts you by holding a chip on your shoulder because the other person probably goes on with their lives. So from here on out, forgiveness is incorporated into my growth plan. I wouldn't be human if I didn't face hurt from those close to me...Now I'm not saying to be a punching bag. However I do believe that relationships require bumps along the journey.

What is a friendship without a few obstacles? What is the point of working toward having a stronger relationship if there is nothing to really grow into?

Hope this helps you move forward with the New Year!

This Christmas!

25 days til Christmas. I saw this Target commercial tonight and it reminded me that I need to take in every single day and live it to its fullest. I half remember what the commercial is about but I do remember feeling like "hmm maybe I need to do something everyday to make my holidays greater!" Now people who know me know that I am an anxious holiday person. Not in a bad way but I bug everyone about Christmas gifts, talk about Christmas all the time, talk about what I want to do in the new year and what ever else is on my mind at the time. I get this feeling that just makes me all jittery during the months of November-March. But I will focus my attention on the now!

Today marks the last day of November and boy did it fly by! I am so excited to start December in a better position than most years I've had on this Earth and knowing my happiness will not rest on what gifts I get. I am one blessed young lady, as I shared on Thanksgiving but I am so blessed to the point that I am not even asking for a thing for Christmas. I tried that last year but of course my SO just had to go out and do something. But this year, I am serious. I have little nieces and nephews and one who will be born on or around Christmas Eve. I want to spoil them and make their Christmas holidays great as oppose to my own. This is a growing point for me. Never have I been a selfish person but who doesn't love a really great Christmas gift? On the subject of gifts, my plan from this day forward is to focus hard on my family and my SO and his family because I have to be honest, I have been wallowing in my own pity for the last few months and pushing my loved ones away. But no more! I am ready to love up on my loved ones because just three years ago I was preparing to say good bye to one and did not even realize it!

So this holiday season, I am making it my business and my mission to let my loved ones know just how much they mean to me. Do not let a day go by without letting your loved ones know that you care and love them!

In the meantime, what is on your Christmas list this year?

Time Flies By!!!

So this year has whizzed right on by! I wanted to do a blog for the 30 days of Christmas but umm, I missed a day or two or three on that! So I will start with today, that is all I have to work with. As we wrap up this year, what are some things you have experienced, learned, accomplished, or hoped to accomplish but did not as of now??? My list is as long as the Mississppi River but I will share a few...
1. I wanted to have some money saved and well, I am an impulse shopper so that has yet to happen. However, on this half of the year I have really reduced my impulse shopping as well as playing hero to those around me. I think that is a good start for 2012.
2. I learned to cope with my anxiety. My anxiety is the worst! It ranges from shaky hands while driving to sleepless nights to sleep-FILLed days. When I get stressed out, anxiety really disrupts my life. As the year has passed, I have not been so quick to resort to those coping mechanisms. I am still dealing.
3. I wanted to deal with my communication issues...Severely inept at communicating with my SO and others who are in my life. I pulled this hiatus from everyone and really hurt some feelings from not informing people about things that bother me...From here on out, my hope is to really get rid of my habit of shutting down and shutting people out when things aren't going well in my life...

That is just my short list of things. What are some things are you need to work on or really did well on this year?

By the way, Christmas is 27 days away...The new year is 32 days away...I just lost my breath whilst typing this...This year has gone by way too fast!

Hide Ya Kids...

No really! It's crazy out here. So I am a from an "underprivileged" background, for all intents and purposes of this post. I didn't grow up poor. However, I did not have a lot of social capital that most middle class people grow up with such as mentors, college educated parents or family members, good schools etc. I had to learn how to use my social networks to my advantage and THAT took some work. I am still working on letting my social network work for me but that is not the point. Being from an underprivileged background, I remember often times having people during non-profit and charity work within my community and my schools. I rarely took part in these because sometimes the trust was not there to with people we weren't acquainted with. For good reason. That doubt is a valuable survival tactic for a young child. Parents are sometimes too quick to put their trust in people in the community who SEEM to have their child(ren)'s best interest at heart. Sometimes the charities and non-profit work is a preying ground for people who would love nothing more than to take a child's innocence away.

In the latest news, we have Coach Jerry Sandusky who is a renowned and honored member of the Penn State community who has taken it upon himself to molest little boys for the past 30 years. This man helped children who were identified as "under-privileged" develop football skill but used this as an opportunity to prey on boys from ages 8-13. He was caught several times having intercourse with his eight victims but did not suffer the consequences until now. It is truly a tragedy when a man who has everything the world at his fingertips would take the youth of several young boys. It frightens me to think that people put their trust in this man and he would go as far as to rape these boys during a time in their life where they should be enjoying grade school and middle school. Sexual abuse is one of the most unnoticed forms of abuse because children are often scared into silence.

This brings up another issue. It is of the utmost importance that families do not shut down the communication walls to their kids. Coming from a family where the walls were burnt down before puberty even came upon me. As the oldest girl, I never had the opportunity to talk about the things that were plaguing my developing mind and therefore had to resort to those blind peers of mind. The blind leading the blind results in a whole lot of bad decisions. This I know from first hand experience. Parents, from a child's perspective, talking to your child is much more influential than waiting on their life experiences to teach them. It is also better to let them know that you are there to be a mentor/comforter/PARENT to them rather than having them feel as if they are facing the world alone. As a teenager, I always felt like I had to hold everything in because I did not feel comfortable talking to my mom about ANYTHING! I even got on the radio station and did an interview about "kids and technology" and put out a plea for parents to be in their children't business. There is no way to know everything that goes through a child's mind and what goes on in their life unless you actually TALK TO THEM. To this day, I wish that I could just call home and talk to my mom about anything on my mind. Now that I know it will never happen, I am learning to take the lessons of life and use them as I move forward.

So to further discuss this, parents be careful of people in your life and your children's lives, teachers, preachers, coaches, friends' parents etc., in order to assure your child's safety in whatever situation they are presented in without you being around. Since you can't hide ya kids always keep your child(ren) from harms way, keep the door of communication open so they can know that you will be there for them if something was to happen with them. Trust me when I tell you, they will thank you for it later!

Burnt out: When the Fire is Gone...

You ever felt like you were just existing? Like nothing you did was really of greatness, didn't really evoke excitement in you? Have you ever just lost interest in doing things that you know that you know you LOVE without a shadow of a doubt? Welp, that is where I am in life right now. Let me be candid for a minute...

I knew this would happen. I should have taken a break. I should have given myself time to just rest...Rest, what the H*#L? What do you mean rest? You don't need rest when you are taking over the world! Everyone always says, "You'll sleep when you are dead." I guess that's when I thought I would take my break...I don't know how much sense that makes considering if you don't sleep, you will surely shorten your days!

So the point, there is a point. I know realize that what I have been suffering from, FOR FOUR YEARS, is being burnt out. And this is how I know. Being a student, I felt like I was constantly sinking, just every semester, sinking into a deeper hole. I am smart, always have been. But I went to college and made a complete mockery of my FULL scholarship and my own abilities. Bad grades begot more bad grades which resulted in a complete effin miserable few years of failure, for the first time in my life...I can talk about it now because, well, if I don't it will continue to nag at me until I've gotten to a point of no return. I know this because I've been there, when everything was going wrong and I waited until I was completely broken to express what was going on in my life.

So being burnt out consists of a few things, it is not depression but it is one of the SEVERAL things that can lead to someone suffering from depression. I can recognize what I am going through now because I am in a state of reflection. A period in my life what I have THE TIME to figure out what is going on with me, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Being burnt out is something that no one can point out because often times, it is just seen as being "tired" or "working too hard." But how long do we have to put up with just existing? At some point, we need to recognize that this ish is real! Being burnt out feels like being without sleep for days, maybe weeks, even though you sleep every night. It makes one feel like no matter what how you try to make yourself feel, you aren't going to get that true feeling of happiness.

So what can you do to prevent recover from being burnt out?

1. Take it one day at a time.
Don't try to save the world and solve all of its problems in 24 hours...Rome wasn't built in a day. That problem will be there tomorrow to solve!
2. Take a break from it all.
Now, I have had the opportunity to actually take a break. But for most of us, a break is within an allotted time frame, maybe an hour or a weekend. Pray, Meditate, work out, or just free your mind from the thoughts plaguing you. Also, don't be afraid to say no to your family and friends when you feel you are taking on too much. You can only do so much for everyone else if you aren't even the best you can be.
3. Make a schedule
Plan your time and allot space in your day just to DO NOTHING! Or rather do something mindless like a puzzle, Sudoku, watch tv, read up on the latest news/gossip. These things will help take your mind off of everything. This will also allow you to keep up with what needs to be done and what can wait.
4. Take a vacation
There are many things you can do that classify as taking a vacation such as actually going out of town, going to get a massage, go on a shopping spree, all these things can give you the much needed break that you need.
5. Last but not least, get some rest. Seriously, get at least 6 hours, 8 hours is a stretch but shoot for it. It is necessary for health to get some sleep.

All in all, the point is to take care of yourself! You will wake up one day and wonder why you can't shack feelings of unhappiness and frustration. It is ok to take a break! Trust me, if you are anything like me, it will be the hardest thing in the world but I am learning so much about myself and how I must be in overall good health in order to do what I want. Being burnt out made everything around me fuzzy. Taking a break gave me the much needed time to reflect on my life. Fancy that...All from taking a break!

Preparation meets God

Today, I was having a conversation with my cousin about marriage. The lesson of the conversation applied to so many parts of my life that I took it in a whole new direction. Basically, we discussed that marriage required being in a state of readiness. A state of readiness requires going through some things to gain knowledge, experience, and wisdom to be ready to accept what God has planned for you, whether you are ready for it or not. Being in a state of readiness will prevent us from making decisions that we will regret later on as well as prevent us from RUSHING into something that God has not prepared us for yet. With that being said, don't ever doubt the hand you've been dealt because you never know what cards you possess to put yourself in a winning position. God has a way of giving us all a way out of any troubles we face. But that way out also requires us to learn to fight and fend for ourselves and for us to learn some lessons that will prepare us to recognize when a blessing season is upon us.

So in a season of preparation (also known as trials and tribulations) keep your faith high and your eye on Christ because He will never take you through unnecessary lessons. The enemy will do everything he can to break you during your time of preparation because we are often weak in the spirit but trust, if you remain faithful and steadfast in your faith, God will bring you through. Don't let the enemy tempt you from doing what is right when you feel that everything is going wrong. Don't let the enemy try to tell you that you are doing something wrong when you are following God's word and doing what you know is right! Show the enemy that no matter what, you are not fazed by tactics to distract your attention from Your God. Convinced yourself and the enemy that the hand you have is powerful enough to keep you winning and even fool the enemy into thinking that the power and faith you have is so great that no matter what he does, you refuse to budge on your faithfulness. To that end, play your hand to the best of your ability and show the enemy that you can't be swayed in your faith. God takes us through tests of faith so that we show Him that we are truly faithful no matter what...How do I know?

If God hasn't blessed you with that job, that house, that car, that child or whatever you may be waiting on know that HE IS STILL PREPARING YOU for whatever it is. He does not want you to have it right now because He is prepping you for something better than what YOU THINK you should have. Stop shorting your blessings because of what YOU THINK you should have and let God give you what He has planned for you. It will be worth the fight...

So, be encouraged. Continue to be strong until your season of blessings come, because you never know when God is about to bless you with a breakthrough.



Further Reading: Genesis 16:1-16
Until next time,
Stay Prayed up...Keep Dreaming and Keep Believing. God has a blessing in store for you.

True Happiness: Where does it really come from?

Recently, I have embarked upon an unfamiliar stage in my life. Usually, I am very sure where I am going. When I was in high school, I knew I was going to college. When I got to college, I knew that each semester I would be in school, doing work, taking exams, and learning. Now, I don't know where that next step is. Since school is over, I have no idea what is next...And to be honest, I am perfectly fine with that. Even though I am chartering unfamiliar territory, I am reminded by my boyfriend that I need to find happiness within this situation because otherwise, I am just going through hell and being miserable. Life has a way of being unfamiliar, especially when you are pushing through to the next level. I've been unhappy, I have to admit. But I had to make up in my mind that I, YMG, have to find happiness in my situation. So I have been doing little things to keep my sanity and happiness as each day goes by. I recently started a Gratitude Journal. I decided to do this as a result of seeing a fellow blogger discuss it on her page. So each day, I've been writing down thoughts and feelings, things that I am grateful for, and things I hope to accomplish in the next few years. I also recently subscribed to a Youtuber by the name of BronzeGoddess1

This woman of God has so much to say about life and gives a lot of useful advice. She posted a video the other day titled "Write it Down, Make it Happen." Click Here to Check Her Out
This video basically talked about a lady who wrote a book about speaking your blessings into existence. So this too, I've taken upon myself to do. Each day, I have written out things that I want to do, long term and short term goals I want to accomplish. This is a fairly new thing but I have to say, it is keeping me motivated and focused on sometime of goal, as opposed to waiting for something to happen. So with all of this, I've turned my happiness into something that starts from the inside and works its way out, as opposed to trying to make it infuse inside of me. This is how it starts. Searching from the outside, trying to make yourself happy will only result in feelings of inadequacy. I charge myself and all of you to find happiness on the inside and let it work its way out. Looking to others and other things will only make you feel as if someone/thing else has to validate your happiness. Don't wait for anything else to give it to you, because it will be easy for them to take it back...Find that happiness within, that way, it will be permanent and no one can take it from you.

"It's Like That"

1983...Years before I was even thought about, Run DMC released a song titled "It's Like That." This song was ranked number 40 on VH1's 100 Greatest Songs of Hip Hop. Imagine that...A song that talks about real world problems being one of the greatest Hip Hop songs...Hmmm. Check the lyrics for a minute.

Click link for video
Click here to see lyrics

So anyway the lyrics in the song are so relevant to what is going on today, in 2011. 28 years later, blacks still dealing with the same ish and hmm, apparently that's the way it is. But hold up, hold up. Why hasn't something been done about these issues plaguing the black community. The first verse talks about unemployment rates at record highs, hmmm, thats a problem today. Jobs are going and people can't work, people can't work, welp thats more crime to deal with, more issues of idle hands and we all know where idle hands lead. Crazy thing though, with all of the ideas of progression this government sells to us every single day, why have blacks been the bottom of the barrel with certain issues for as long as blacks have been in this country. Talk about the "American Dream." Well apparently, that is just for specific skin tones and the darker ones ain't it.

28 years later. The major problems in the black community are not just from society, if we could only get past the societal woes and pick ourselves up by the boot straps, I know we can all rise from what is plaguing the black community these days. Too much money out there for people to go back to school but no one wants to commit to four years to get a degree...We won't do that but we will go out and complain about being underpaid, not being able to change jobs because the money was good at one point. Like these lyrics say,
"You should have gone to school, you could've learned a trade
But you laid in the bed where the bums have laid
Now all the time you're crying that you're underpaid
It's like that (what?) and that's the way it is
Huh!"
Man, if we don't take advantage of this little thing called education, we aren't going to keep up with this moving economy and we will surely stay at the bottom. Regardless of what people think about getting a degree, that is one of the few things that will keep us recession free. Blacks have to make the move to keep up because otherwise, when those poverty reports come out, it will have Blacks with the most poverty because we aren't doing what we need to do to rise to the occasion. Yes, it is hard out there but if it was easy, there would be no reason to go for because everybody would have it. Go for your dreams. Shoot for the stars...Otherwise, people who do not have our best interest at heart will be out there, making our decisions for us...

"It is in fact a part of the function of education to help us escape, not from our own time—for we are bound by that—but from the intellectual and emotional limitations of our time"
- T.S Eliot

Make it happen because it starts with YOU.