Monday, December 20, 2010

Thoughts of a 21 century woman: Dating

As I reflect on the last 3 years of undergrad, I think about all of the influences and experiences I have been exposed to in the last few years. Being 5 months from graduation forces me to reflect on the past present and future in order to grow and gain those important lessons that I prayed to God to help me get through. I will start with a popular subject that many young woman are worried about constantly: Dating. It is the inevitable and every parent dreads their daughters having to experience heartache and angst behind a man. As I have had a variety of different guy friends in my life, I have learned that the bottom line about dating someone is, you have to know what you want and you have to be on the same page. My high school teacher once told me that you can't be with someone who is not on your level. I took offense to this as I thought the person I was dating was the best thing since sliced bread. Well, as I look back, it is clear that she was right.It is important to be equally yoked. That way, you will eliminate the drama that comes with the person not understanding why you do what you do. You also find that it is easier to take your significant other to public functions without having to explain why this person can't have an intelligent conversation with your colleagues. It is so easy to settle for someone just because we as women are tricked into thinking that we are limited to what comes to us. Now that I realize that is not so true, I value the relationship that I have now. My significant other is so amazing. He is on the path to greatness and I love to embrace him and the way he supports me in all that I do. He keeps it real with me but he is always pushing me to continue working hard to achieve my dreams. What I wouldn't do without this man.

But to continue discussing dating, we have to learn what we want before we try to tell someone else how to make us happy. It is so easy to seek and find someone who is willing to do whatever it is to make us happy but if we can't do it without the presence of a significant other, as women we have to make it happen for ourselves. Otherwise, having a significant other there is only going to last as long as the person has the momentum to keep going without having that satisfaction returned. Nowhere am I discussing the sexual aspect of dating, that is another conversation but it is important to know and recognize what makes you happy so someone is not playing the guessing game from months or years just to end up hurt. With that being said, ladies, embrace yourselves, love yourselves before trying to get someone else to love you. Otherwise, you will find yourself constantly coming to yourself asking what the problem is. You may find yourself growing into a completely different person from what you initially thought you were. We change and grow so much at different stages in our lives. If you are single remember, there is no rush in dating, get to know yourself, the person, then share yourself. If you are in a relationship, learn make sure you have a friendship with that person as well as a romantic relationship. That friendship will be the foundation of something great and will keep everyone reminded as to why you are there in the first place.

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