Those Stinkin' Nightmares

So I am so adamant about not getting a relaxer ever again. In my mind, a relaxer would be the worse thing I could do to my hair at this point. I don't think about it that often but apparently, it is still apart of my psyche and it literally scares me. I have nightmares, yes nightmares, about my mother putting a relaxer in my hair. I wake up crying every time!!! Now you may think I am crazy and that may be true BUT, I had no choice in relaxers for so long that I now can't see myself going back by being forced to do it. It is not an option anyway.

This post comes about because my mother, who hates natural hair with a passion, put a relaxer in my 6 year old niece's hair, without her mother's permission, she put a relaxer in my youngest sister's hair after my sister began to get frustrated with it, and she put a relaxer in my middle sister's hair after she failed to tame it after she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. When I first started transitioning, my mom kept commenting about how my hair would break off and how we couldn't go anywhere with her with our hair looking "like that," and a whole bunch of other rude and snide comments. Lucky for me, I was in my senior year of college and well, I just didn't give a doggone about her opinion, at all. However, it was very annoying having my own mother not support me in my decision but no matter what, I knew it was right for me. I knew I couldn't trust her opinion about my hair when it had never grown past neck length because of it being over processed by 6-8 week relaxers that were not used correctly either. But that is another story. So, my sister was unnecessarily defending her decision to relaxer after over a year, I jokingly told her about my nightmares. She looked at me like I was half crazy or something.

I started thinking, maybe my attachment to my hair is very mental and emotional. VERY EMOTIONAL. I wrote about my experience attempting a new style and how it failed. It brought me to tears. However, I bounced back from it. I have nightmares about my hair being relaxed at least once a week and it just breaks my heart to go back that route. My hair is so healthy and full and it is flourishing, I never had that when I was getting relaxers. Some people go natural because it is a fad to them and you can usually tell by how easy they give up when you go through a phase where you don't know what to do! I have had moments of frustration, especially lately. But I look at the brighter side and I can be sure of two things, my hair is healthy and my hair is growing. My hair may actually be longer than it has ever been, at least since I can remember. I know for a fact my hair is the healthiest it has ever been. I take pride in knowing that I am doing right by my hair and that is why I am so emotional about it staying curly. The best thing about my journey has been the versatility. I have been natural for 6 months now and while I transitioned, I could wear it straight, curly, wavy and all of the above. I think getting relaxers really scarred me and it is really crazy but it is true. I am coming into my womanhood and learning that regardless, straight or curly, I am beautiful!